Bilingual
by Olofa
Summary: Hard to believe at her age, but Anna's never really kissed anyone. Not "for-real". She asks Elsa to show her how, and Elsa (despite her own misgivings) teaches her the language of kisses. Modern AU, sisters, may contain smutty bits.
1. Bilingual

_tap tap ta-tap tap_

"Elsa?"

Elsa closed the document on her laptop and waited for Anna to go on. But she didn't. "What is it?"

"Elsa, could I come in, please?"

Anna wasn't usually that formal. Elsa suspended her laptop, closed the lid, swivelled in her chair to face the door. "Of course. Come on in."

Elsa felt a thrill as Anna entered. Her sister was always tantalizingly beautiful to Elsa, but tonight, ready for her dinner date with Hans Westgard, she was lovely. Her habitual pigtails were undone and brushed into a sunset-coloured cascade of gentle curls. She wore a simple teal dress that complemented her colouring, and her only jewellery was the crystal snowflake pendant that Elsa had sent from boarding school. Elsa felt outclassed.

Anna smiled and waved awkwardly. She felt like a fraud, a little girl playing dress-up, compared to her sister who could – and did – look casually stylish in a loose sweatshirt and curve-hugging jeans. She clasped her hands to stop herself fidgeting, and cleared her throat. "Could I ask a favour?"

"Sure."

"It's a little awkward."

"Anything for you."

"It's, um, actually really a lot awkward."

"If you want me to help you hide a body, I'd suggest you change first. DNA evidence, you know." Elsa smiled playfully.

"Wait, what?! Oh. No, it's nothing like that. It's kind of…personal?"

Elsa crossed to the door, closed it and locked it. "There. Privacy. Now you can tell me anything. Nothing leaves this bedroom." _If you knew the secrets_ _ **I've**_ _been keeping…_

"Okay." She took a deep breath, blew it out. "Okay. Um, may I?" She gestured towards the bed.

"Sure."

Anna sat on the bed, bouncing up and down a bit as Elsa took her seat again. "Okay. You know how when girls are little, like twelve or thirteen, and they're starting to get interested in boys? And they'll practice kissing their hand, or their pillow, or a picture or whatever?"

Elsa glided over the word _boys_ , and nodded.

Anna crossed her legs, her foot jiggling. "Or they'll practice on…each other?"

 _Is Anna coming out to me? Before I've come out to her?_ Elsa forced herself to sit still and keep her face neutral. "Yes…?"

"Well, I never did that."

"Oh." Elsa felt like she'd come down a staircase with one less step than expected. "I, um, that's not a big deal. Some do, some don't, it's perfectly normal either way. Is that what's bothering you?"

Anna's foot went from bobbing up and down to shaking side to side. She clasped her knee. "Not exactly. I, um, never practised. Or, for-real kissed."

"Ever? At your age? Not even once?"

"Elsa, don't be mean."

"No, I don't mean it that way. I'm just…you're so sweet, and pretty, it's just hard to believe. You never mentioned anything in your letters, but I always assumed…I mean, if I were a boy I'd definitely want to kiss you." _Conceal, Elsa!_

Anna chuckled. "Well, either the boy didn't want to, or I didn't want to, or I didn't feel like it, or I accidentally gave him a black eye with my elbow– "

"How do you– Never mind."

"And there was a while there when I was really missing you, I was feeling pretty…well, anyway. So I never, I guess, got around to it, you know?"

"Not even with that one boy who was always hanging around?"

"Kris? Well, one kind of gross, sloppy kiss one time at a party, but I don't think that'd count. At least I hope it doesn't. Because _that's_ sort of the favour I have to ask you."

Elsa gripped the arms of her chair, feeling a little dizzy. "You want me to…?"

Anna bent her head, then looked up at Elsa. "Could you – Oh God, this is so weird, and you can absolutely say 'No', and I'll totally understand – but could you, kind of, show me how?"

Elsa sat a little straighter, holding herself still. "How to…"

"Kiss."

Elsa felt heat rise to her face, as if she were standing too close to a bonfire. "Wow." _Diversion! Change subject!_ "What makes you think I'd have anything to teach you? It's not like I get out a lot."

"I kind of assumed when you were off in Europe that you would've, y'know, gotten some…done that kind of thing. In fact, I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but I always suspected that you might have gone off to boarding school because of some boy."

"Not exactly, no." _You're no boy, Anna._ "I don't…I don't feel like that about…"

Anna looked at her with an odd mix of reproach and embarrassment. "You kind of do. I think." In response to Elsa's surprised expression, she went on. "I'm really sorry, and I didn't mean to, but this one time? I had done the laundry and I was putting away some of your underwear? I swear I didn't mean to, but I bumped into your desk and that jostled your computer and it wasn't off it was just on standby and I guess I jiggled it enough to wake it up again and it was right there on the screen and I tried not to look but it was right there and even without reading it I could tell it was a poem and you never said you wrote poems and it was just _there_ …" The heat in Elsa's cheeks turned cool. "And whoever he is? The nature spirit whose unselfconscious beauty bruises your heart, sends fire surging through your veins like electricity, and melts your soul like the gentle inexorable sun melts the blank snows of winter into the clear streams that feed the thick luxurious growth of spring, bursting with life and loveliness? Whoever he is, well…if someone wrote a poem like that about me I'd do some melting of my own, if you know what I mean." Anna grinned nervously. "I mean, not like I _really_ read it or anything." Her smile faded and she stared at her own lap. "Sorry."

"No, it's, um…it's okay." Elsa willed her breathing to slow. "And you really want me to…"

"I mean, it wouldn't mean anything, right? Like, you know that expression, when something doesn't really make a difference they say 'it's like kissing your sister.' Right?"

Elsa swallowed. "Uh, yeah. Right." She looked at Anna's nervous, hopeful expression, looked into the depths of those beautiful blue-green eyes, and her heart and body united against her better judgement. She braced herself. _You're_ _ **so**_ _going back to boarding school._ "Sure. I could help you with that." _But it'll be worth it._

 _Besides, maybe it'll be okay. We'll do this, she'll leave, I'll masturbate furiously, and we'll never talk about it again._

Anna swallowed. "Okay, let's do this." She took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut and puckered up.

"Whoa, hang on Duckface." Elsa chuckled fondly and pulled Anna to her feet. "If we're doing this," _I'm going to Hell,_ "we do it right. Kissing isn't just putting your lips together. It's…if you do it right, it's like communication. A kiss is a kiss, but it's also expression. Let me show you." She brushed aside Anna's hair and kissed her forehead. "Now that kiss says, 'I think you're an adorable cutie. And that's it.' "

Anna smiled, but raised an eyebrow. "So that's it?"

"Okay, here." Elsa gripped Anna's shoulders and leaned in to give her a swift peck on the cheek and stepped back. Then she moved forward again, holding Anna's upper arms, and touched her lips to the same place on Anna's cheek, lingering, soft in their softness, brushing against Anna's skin as she pulled away. "Two kisses on the cheek. But not the same. The first one– "

"That was, 'You're an old lady relative and I have to kiss you because we're at a family do.' Right?" Elsa grinned, her hand covering her mouth. "And the second was…"

"I want to kiss you much more than this, but I don't dare. So I'll only touch your cheek, but put all my longing into it. Is what it _would_ mean." Anna nodded. "And there's more than the kiss and the technique. You have to listen with your…well, not just your body. There's a connection – or there can be – that you feel. That gives you a sense of what the other person is feeling. What they feel about you."

"Yeah. I think I know what you mean." Anna tilted her head. "But you know, if I get kissed tonight, it _might_ be on the lips."

"Of course. I'm trying not to go too far. Ahead. Of myself. Now, the lips. There's this…" Her lips, tense and puckered, touched Anna's for a moment. "And this…" She pressed her lips to Anna's for a second, then released with a loud smacking noise.

"Easy," said Anna. "The first one is, 'I have to kiss you, let's get it over with. And the second one means you're either a goofball, you don't know what you're doing, or you're a cartoon character."

They shared a laugh. "Right. Absolutely right. Now. Serious." Elsa kissed her gently, briefly, over and over, tasting Anna's lips, her tongue eventually peeping out to touch Anna's mouth. "That's a romantic, respectful kiss. 'I want to go farther, but not until you're ready. I could kiss you all night, but you have every opportunity to stop if you're uncomfortable.' And my tongue waits to feel if your lips part before entering your…um, mouth. Because whatever I'm feeling, my first priority is you. I mean, 'me' as the guy. And I'm not just probing with my, um, tongue. I'm also listening with my feelings, or trying to, to know how you're responding."

"Yeah. I think I got that. And my technique? For kissing? With the head-tilt?"

"Perfect. Soft, warm, welcoming. If that's what you were going for, of course. For practice. But so far, you have absolutely nothing to worry about, Anna. Anyone would be happy to kiss you like that." Elsa pushed back her hair. "Are you, um, ready to keep going?"

Anna's eyes were wide and serious. "Yes. If it's okay with you."

 _Oh God, is it!_ Elsa took a calming breath. "Of course. Now this is…well, I'll just show you." Elsa's pink tongue-tip moistened her lips, and unconsciously Anna did the same. Elsa took hold of Anna's upper arms again and gently pulled her close. Her pink lips met Anna's coral ones, pressed, held, moving with soft passion. Slowly, smoothly, her tongue slid between Anna's yielding lips and explored her mouth. After a moment of uncertainty Anna's tongue responded, gliding against each other, tasting each other's tastes and textures. Elsa moaned into Anna's mouth. _This is so wrong_. Elsa pushed Anna away, carefully, not so hard as to make her feel rejected.

"Wow," said Anna. "So that's what the fuss is about. With the whole 'tongue' thing. That was…different. Good different."

Elsa's breathing began to slow. She nodded.

"You, um. Elsa? You made a noise."

"That'll happen. I wanted you to be ready for that. So you wouldn't be thrown by it. That'll happen when the other person is really…" She stood a little straighter, more stiffly. "Now, see the way I'm holding you?" Her hands still gripped Anna's biceps. "Now, if this is happening, and you want to stop it, here's what you can do. Tuck your arms in and bring your elbows up and forward, towards his face. That'll twist your arms out of his grip, and your elbows… That's not how you accidentally gave someone a black eye, is it?" Anna grinned, shook her head. "Now show me. Slowly." Elsa tilted her head back as Anna drove her elbows up in slow motion. "Good, good. Because you can always stop. You always have a right to stop, if it's going too far, too fast, or you're just not okay with it. You've got that?" Anna nodded. "You can always stop." _Please stop, Anna. Please be strong for me._

With a look of defiance shining in her eyes Anna said, "Let's keep going."

"Now this, this shouldn't happen. This is way too much for a first kiss. But if there's a lot of flirting, or the other person is really feeling it, or…it might go this way." Elsa took Anna strongly in her arms, one hand between her shoulder-blades and the other low around her waist, pressing the length of Anna's delicate body against her own. Her mouth pressed hungrily to Anna's, her tongue penetrating, claiming Anna's mouth for her own. Anna melted into her arms, welcoming, open. Elsa's hips pressed against Anna, her thigh almost pushing between Anna's legs.

Without letting go, Elsa pulled her head back. She looked into Anna's unfocussed eyes. "That's too much. That's far too much. If I…if he tries that… You stop it." She took a deep breath. "You stop it. Don't count on your upper body strength. Try getting away." Anna wriggled back and forth. To Elsa's shame, a part of her was inflamed by Anna's struggles. She swallowed hard. "Work from your hips. You have a lot of power in your hips. A lot of power. Plant your feet and twist, or push off. Show me."

From her hips, Anna pushed forward, pressing them even harder together, forcing Elsa to stumble backwards. Elsa forced her breath to remain as steady as she could. "That, uh, th-that's actually the opposite. I meant, to the side. Twist, and push to the side." Anna did nothing. "Now. Please, now." Anna twisted from the hips and pushed off to the left, out of Elsa's grasp. "Okay, that was good. That was good." Elsa felt her pulse pounding in her throat.

Anna, flushed, pushed her hair back and smoothed her dress. "That was…wow. I think I'm getting it. But…" She shook the excess energy out of her arms. "…that's if I want it to stop. What if I don't?"

Elsa wiped the sheen of perspiration from her forehead with her sleeve. "Then you, um, don't. Or…" _Don't!_ "…if you really mean it, you can…reciprocate. I suppose."

"Can you show me what you mean? For demonstration purposes? I mean, I'm not gonna get a chance like this again, am I?"

"No. No. This is definitely a one-time thing." She blinked hard, shook her head to try to clear it. She took Anna in her arms again. "Lips. You know how you bite your lower lip? When we kiss, bite mine the same way." They kissed, and Anna nibbled on Elsa's lower lip. "Good," she breathed. "Now I'll do it to you." Elsa pulled Anna's lip into her kiss and nipped at it. "And a kiss that says, 'go ahead.' When I kiss you again, you can apply a little vacuum – just a little – to pull my tongue into your mouth." She kissed Anna, and as the tip of her tongue presented itself Anna sucked hard. "Ow! Too hard. That doesn't say 'go ahead,' that says 'I want to devour you and I can't control myself.' Again." They kissed, and Anna drew Elsa's tongue to her own. Elsa tried not to moan again, but couldn't help herself. "If you want to say that you want someone as much as they want you, hold me as tight as I hold you." They kissed, Elsa pressing Anna to herself, Anna squeezing hard and possessively. Their mouths met fiercely, too passionately to be contained. Elsa's mouth spread to Anna's cheek, neck, exposed shoulder. "Now that…that is…unh." By force of will she pushed herself away, gasping. "That's…that's enough. I think you've mastered kissing. Anything more is…another topic."

Anna's eyes were shining but troubled. "I, um, Elsa?"

"What is it?"

"I was, kind of, feeling stuff. When we were doing that. Things that were kind of…not right? Physical things?"

Elsa turned to the side, rubbed her hands across her face. "That's…it doesn't mean anything. It's your body responding. That's natural. That'll happen. It doesn't have to mean anything. In fact, that's a good point. Sometimes your body will respond, and a…person can try to use that to get you to do things you don't really want. So look out for that. Just because your body responds doesn't mean you really want it. And just because the other person's feeling that, you have no obligation to do anything. It's…look out for that. Don't let it make you…cross a line you don't want to cross." Elsa moved to the door and unlocked it. "Okay. I think you know what you need to know. You're ready to go have dinner with Hans." She forced a smile. "You'll be okay."

Anna stood, moving her hands awkwardly, trying to shape a response out of the air. Finally she said, "Well, thanks," waved timidly, and left the room.

Elsa crashed on the bed. _Great. I warmed her up for that sideburns-wearing hipster douche. Oh God, I'm an idiot and a horrible human being._ She lay still for a moment, then got up to lock the door. She flopped on the bed again and reached under her sweatshirt to undo her jeans.

* * *

Much later that night, there was a knock on Elsa's door. "Elsa? Can we talk for a bit?" said Anna.

Elsa, dressed for bed, got up and answered the door. "Hi." Elsa let her in and motioned her to take the chair as Elsa sat on the edge of her bed. "Did it go well? Your night out?"

"Yeah, I guess." Anna ran her hands through her hair and pushed it back. "It was, um… The stuff we talked about? And, um, did? It was…good we did that." Elsa looked at her with blank curiosity. "I mean, we had a good dinner, and it was like he was interested in everything I was interested in. I mean literally it was _like_ he was, not like he really was. But first real date, you know? And yeah, he did kiss me, and yeah, it did feel good. And I didn't freak out or act awkward or anything, right? So, yay you."

Elsa nodded, stone-faced.

"But the other thing?" continued Anna. "About listening with your feelings? And knowing what the other person is feeling about you? You were right. It was good kissing, but he didn't feel anything for me. Not real. And I could tell what was real."

Elsa's eyes widened as Anna came over and kissed her gently on the forehead. And then kissed her cheek, softly, lingering, brushing against Elsa's skin as she pulled away.

"Anna?"

"Shh. I'm talking with my kisses now." And her lips told Elsa what she learned.


	2. Bicontinental

As Anna got her breath back, she finally gasped out, "That was amazing. That was fucking amazing. In fact, that was amazing fucking."

She and Elsa lay side by side in Elsa's room – in Elsa's bed – her head resting on Elsa's arm, with only a sheet keeping the breeze off their sweaty bodies. "Anna! Such language! As your responsible older sister, it is my, um, responsibility to protect your innocence."

"We passed that checkpoint when you reached into my panties." Anna gave her a playful hip-nudge.

"I bet you'd have been reaching into mine if I'd had the foresight to wear any." After they laughed, Elsa asked, "So. How do you feel?"

"Funny. Well, _good_ , first off. Very good and very happy. But different. But not different."

"C'mon, be serious for a second."

"I am. I mean, I always thought I'd feel different after the first time I…did it. More grown up. More, I don't know, worldly."

"Being worldly isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"I feel different, but not the way I expected to. I feel…" She rolled onto her side so she could look at Elsa. "I feel like I just shared something beautiful with someone I love, and I feel like I know you so much better now, and like your secret is out, and I'm relieved, and I'm just so much in love it makes me crazy-happy, plus also I'm incredibly turned on."

"Again?"

"Still. Let me kiss you."

"Shyeah. 'Let' you," said Elsa as Anna's mouth dipped to meet her own. They shared a soft, lingering kiss, Anna's nakedness pressing unselfconsciously against Elsa.

In a whisper, Anna said, "I can smell myself on your mouth."

Elsa looked back at her levelly. "Is that a problem?"

"It's a turn on. I know how you got that way. I…" Anna pushed herself off again. "I'm not exactly a virgin anymore, am I?'

"I wouldn't say so." Elsa grinned smugly at her.

"I haven't been, you know, penetrated."

"I have a couple of puckered fingers that'd beg to differ."

"You know what I'm talking about, right? I mean I'm not a virgin, and I had sex with a woman, and I had sex with my sister. So I feel like I should be feeling different. I'm in three new categories since yesterday: non-virgin, lesbian, incestuous. Those are all supposed to be big things. And they are. But it all feels so…normal. So okay, and good. And right. It feels _right_. Is that weird?"

"Not to me. It feels right to me, too. Anna, I have never felt more…complete, more truly who I am, than I feel now, here, with you. I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." Anna's smile faded. "Oh my god. So many years you've been feeling this. And me not knowing. That's terrible."

"It's okay." Elsa reached up to smooth Anna's hair.

Anna threw a leg and an arm over Elsa and pulled her close. "Was I terrible to you? Did I tease you accidentally? Oh my god, the yoga pants! I was showing off those yoga pants to you the other day. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that you're a very beautiful woman." Elsa kissed her temple. "And then I was thinking, 'I'll be in my bunk.' "

Anna laughed, turning her head away so she wouldn't laugh directly in Elsa's ear and deafen her. "Oh god, all the time we wasted." She sighed and sank heavily onto Elsa, who hummed in appreciation. "You know, maybe it's a good thing we didn't come together before now."

Elsa hid the apprehension in her heart. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when did you first know you liked me…that way?"

"I don't know." Elsa stared at the ceiling. "Since I knew the difference between girls and boys, and which kind I liked, and which one I loved best. That's why I had myself sent away so early."

"Wait, it was your idea?"

"Sort of. I didn't want you to get in trouble, and I didn't want to get in trouble, and I…figured you wouldn't feel that way about me, and if I knew that for sure I'd be crushed. So I hid myself away, and it was Mom and Dad's idea to send me to Switzerland, but I was completely behind it. Which is why I stayed after they died."

Anna pressed on. "Yeah, but what if you had been here? And you, you know, did something. When you were 16 and I was 13, or you were 13 and I was 10. Both of us in the same house, you being my big sister. I mean, I _think_ I would've said 'yes', but I don't know if I could've said 'no.' Not to you. I mean, you can't say yes – not really – if you're not able to say no. And now I can. And you know that however much I love you and look up to you, I could say no if I wanted to. So I _mean_ it when I say yes. To you."

"I seem to recall you saying 'yes' last night. A lot. 'Oh yes! Oh god yes! Ohhh yessss!' "

Anna laughed. "I'd get mad at you if it wasn't true. Anyway, I'm glad things worked out the way they did. Here. Now." She rested her head on Elsa's shoulder and casually cupped a breast to give it a fond kiss before sighing and relaxing completely. "This is nice."

"This is very nice," whispered Elsa.

The front doorbell rang.  
"Oh fuck!" said Elsa, jolting to horizontal attention. "It's the godparents!"

Anna sat up. "They can't be back yet. Can they? You think something happened to them? Or to Punzy?"

"How should I know?" With Anna's head off her chest, Elsa could sit up and look frantically around. The Venetian blinds were closed, thank heaven. "Okay. You get dressed, get the door, and stall. I'll clean up in here, try to air out the room." She sniffed. "It does smell a little post-coital in here."

"Ten seconds ago I was enjoying that."

"Ten seconds from now we could be screwed if they find out, yknow, _this_. Now get dressed and scoot."

"Why me?"

"Because _you'd_ look weird coming out of _my_ bedroom. Go."

As Elsa dashed around the room on tiptoe, Anna closed the door behind her and headed down the hall to the front door. _Fuck, how long are we going to have to hide this?_ Her heart sank like a lead ball. _For the rest of our lives, probably._

She opened the door. It wasn't Mr and Ms. Crowne, the godparents who took them in after their parents' accident. It wasn't even their daughter Rapunzel.

A woman Elsa's age stood there. Thick brown hair pulled back and cascading down, hip cocked defiantly, lips pulled in a tight smirk, narrowed violet eyes looking the still-dishevelled Anna up and down appraisingly, then dismissively. "Yep," she said, popping the 'p'. "I was gonna ask if Elsa was here, but it's pret-ty obvious she is. You got a name?"

"Mm, Anna?"

"On 'er? I bet you were. Nah, I'm kidding. I'm a kidder." She patted Anna's cheek and glided past. "You got coffee?"

"Hey, wait!" Anna dashed to put herself in front of the woman, planting her feet firmly and putting her fists on her hips. "And you! Do – do you have a name?"

The smirk widened into a smile. Not a warm smile, but a smile. "Of course. You can call me Meg." She wove smoothly past Anna again, looking for a kitchen. "I went to school with Elsa. She knows about me. And I know _all_ about her. Make me a coffee and I'll fill you in." Anna smoothed her hair and hurried to follow. "And I like my coffee the way I like my women: bitter, and keeping me up at night."


	3. Dilemma

Meg had not, thank god, peeked into Elsa's bedroom on her way down the hall. Anna caught up to her in the kitchen, looking through cupboards. "I believe you mentioned coffee?" said Meg, eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Nnno, I didn't mention coffee. _You_ mentioned coffee, then _you_ barged in and then you started going through the cupboards like a…well, I don't know like what, but you just don't do that!"

"Aw, you're sweet. Of course, you would be. How about I sit quietly with my hands in my lap and you go ahead and offer me a mug? Hey, where is Elsa, anyway?"

 _Keep her busy._ "Um, all we've got is instant. Is that okay?"

Meg sat sideways at the kitchen table, using the chair back and table edge as armrests. "Bring it."

As Anna boiled the water, she asked, "Elsa mentioned you. You were friends, right? At Universität Iwerks?"

Meg drummed her nails on the tabletop, watching her own fingers. "We were roommates for years, at the prep school and at university proper. Pretty close. Friends? Well, with Elsa… Mmm, yeah, I guess we were friends. She was the closest person there that I hadn't fucked." She saw Anna freeze for a second while filling the mug. "She tell you much about school?"

"Some stuff." She kept her hand steady as she spooned the instant coffee into the mug. "Not, um, that stuff."

"She and I, we cut quite a swath through U.I. Never with each other, though. That…wouldn't have worked."

Anna put the mug on the table. "Wha-what do you like? In your coffee? Milk, sugar?"

"Coffee. I like coffee in my coffee." Meg pointed to the jar of instant. "More." Anna added another half-spoonful of instant. "More." Anna glanced at Meg to see if she was serious, then added a quarter-teaspoon. Meg sighed. "Gimme."

"Sure." Anna handed her the jar. Meg tipped it, pouring the brown crystals directly into her mug, then stirred. She sipped. "That's better."

Anna sat down across from her, disconcerted but fascinated. Meg seemed so sophisticated, so sure of herself, but in a completely different way than Elsa. They both took control of the world, but Elsa put up a wall and forced the world to come to her; Meg dominated the world before it could try to dominate her. "So. Tell me about Elsa. Please? And, um, 'cutting a swath'?"

"Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a partier. She's not the love 'em and leave 'em type. That's my job. Nah, not really." Meg smiled that wry, beautiful smile that never quite reached her eyes. "She loved 'em but didn't leave 'em, I left 'em but never loved 'em. Teamwork. Elsa… she's so reserved, but when she opens up to you it's so real, that it makes you feel really special. But you know that, right?"

"Well, I…"

"First she was with Snowy. Mary, that is. We called her 'Snow' because her hair was jet black. You know, like calling a big guy 'Tiny'?" Meg shrugged. "We were fourteen. We thought we were clever. So Snowy is just this sweet, vulnerable, deer-in-the-headlights girl, and Elsa starts looking out for her, and Snow melts, y'know? Real onee-sama relationship. And Elsa's mothering her, guiding her – I suppose Elsa must've been a kid at some point, but I just can't picture it – and Snow adores her. And Elsa really cares about her, too. But, dot dot dot."

Anna looked at Meg quizzically. "But what?"

"There's always this wall. This distance. Snow wants to get closer, and Elsa never really pulls away, but there's a line you can't cross. She withdraws, Snow is heartbroken. Next thing you know she's seeing seven guys at once, just to say 'fuck you' to Elsa."

Anna folded her arms around herself. "That must've been awful for her."

"For who, Snow or Elsa? Snow got it out of her system, snagged a rich guy, and is all set to live happily ever after. Elsa was…Elsa. A little quieter for a couple of weeks, that's all."

"But, Elsa really cared for her?"

"That's the thing. She really cares for everybody. I mean really sincerely. But then bam, you hit the force field and bounce off. I mean, the next girl she was with – and it's always girls, she's a gold-star lesbian – I thought she was trying to change things. Change herself. Or something. But people don't really change."

Meg stirred her coffee, staring at the swirls in her mug. "Who was this big change?"

"Merida. Big Red. Not physically big, but huge personality. Dominates the room. Big hair, too. Masses of curly red hair. Elsa goes for her in a big way, and I figure she's finally gonna loosen up, open up, you know? So they party, Elsa goes to all of her games – soccer, lacrosse, archery – and all the LGBT protests. Red is _very_ loud and proud. And it's not like I'm studying them, but I can see Elsa just gazing at her all calf-eyed and adoring until the moment she opens her mouth."

Meg took a swallow of coffee. "Not that she disagreed with Red. They just weren't a fit. I was stupid enough to tell Elsa what I saw, and next thing I know I'm trying not to hear Merida pitching a fit when Elsa dumps her. And the louder Red gets, the quieter Elsa gets. Red storms out, and Elsa goes to her happy place."

"Her happy place?"

"Her Fortress of Solitude. Her ice castle. Wherever it is she goes when she's there but she's not _there_ , you know? And then she sort of, quietly, starts – not coming on to me, but letting me know that she might be okay with it. I think it was the first time she was in something that was mostly just physical, and she knew with me it'd be more of the same."

Anna stared at her. Meg gave her a smile that might almost be compassionate. "Relax, princess. It didn't happen. I knew eventually she'd want to open up and start caring about me, and I know where that goes. Thanks, no."

Meg sipped her coffee again, shook her head. "Then she landed the big fish. Ariel. Big eyes, big hair. Red, again. Sweet and perky as a sugar-and-Ritalin cocktail. Her parents wanted her to go into marine bio but she changed her major to sociology mid-term. She said she wanted to understand people, not fish. I think Elsa always had an eye on her, and when she could swoop in and help her catch up with her coursework, it was a match made in heaven, assuming heaven is the main library. They were joined at the hip. Kissing, cuddling, romantic dates, flowers, long walks on the beach, piña coladas, getting caught in the rain."

"There's beaches in Switzerland?"

Meg shook her head. "Work with me. Anyway, I've never seen her happier. But, dot dot dot."

Meg downed the rest of her coffee, held up the mug. "Refill?" As Anna refilled the kettle she kept glancing back at Meg as the story continued. "One day I walk in on them in our room. Ariel's crying enough salt water to make her own marine habitat, and Elsa's turned into an ice sculpture. No, not literally, for fuck's sake. Elsa's saying, 'It wouldn't be right,' and Ariel's all, 'How could it not be right? It feels so right.' Then Elsa says, 'No it doesn't. It's wrong. It feels wrong. I can't – ' And for the first time ever, I see Elsa crying. I clear my throat, Ariel sees me and takes off, and Elsa says, 'I'll be in my bedroom.' And that's all she wrote. Of course, Elsa still makes friends, sometimes with benefits, but those were the big three. Which is a lesson for you."

"Me?"

"Sure. You are 110% her thing. A sweet little-sister type with red hair. She will fall for you, and fall hard, and the sex will be beautiful, and then one day – boom – you hit the wall of ice. She's looking for something. That's why she never completely became a hermit. But whatever she's looking for, she can't have."

"No! It's not like that."

She saw the stricken look in Anna's eyes, then shook her head and sighed. "Hey, what do I know? Maybe you're the one. Maybe everything'll be different this time. But if it isn't…" She pulled out a business card, wrote a number on the back. "…give me a call. I've had a little experience helping girls get over Elsa."

"You don't understand – "

Elsa entered the kitchen, saw them, and grabbed the doorframe for balance. "Meg?!" She straightened, and stepped into the room. "Uh, what a surprise. I see you've met Anna."

Meg hadn't missed the flash of panic and guilt in Elsa's eyes, or in Anna's. "Hang on, 'Ah-na' is 'Ann-a'? As in 'Anna Arendelle'? Τι στο διάολο?" As the sisters stood frozen, she said, "Oh. Ohhhhh. Well, that explains a _lot_."


	4. Double Life

Elsa had her balance back. She stood regally, and said, "What do you mean." Not asked, said.

Meg's violet eyes narrowed, and her smile twisted to the side of her mouth. Anna watched, fascinated. "Elsa, please," said Meg. "You're about the only person at U.I. that I respect, because you never bullshitted me. Don't start now." She toyed with her mug. "And sit down, for Goddess' sake."

"Thank you," said Elsa, with only the trace of a smirk revealing how she felt about being invited to sit in her own house. "Now what nonsense are you talking about."

"Listen, if you're worried about blowing your cover in front of Ginger Snap here, then one, she deserves to know. And two, I pretty much spilled the beans already." She raised her hands in mock-surrender. "Not on purpose. Honest mistake. I assumed she was one of your projects. You've got to admit she fits the profile."

" _Perhaps_ we should discuss this in another room."

"Els, I like you. I really do. And I hate that I put you in this spot. But with what I said, she _will_ figure it out for herself, so one of us might as well tell her now and get it over with. Me or you. Your call."

Elsa didn't move, except for sitting even straighter, but her eyes flashed a challenge at Megara. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

Meg sighed. "Your one good quality is – _was_ – you were never a liar." She turned to Anna. " _You_ are the reason she never found what she was looking for. She was looking for you. Her sweet little red-haired sister. And she can't have you." The tight smile faded from her face for a moment. "But don't judge, okay? We're all fucked up, one way or another. And she was doing her best. Must've been hard." She looked down into her mug.

Anna gasped. She put her hand on Elsa's arm. "Elsa. Is this true?"

Elsa patted her hand. "No. Of course not. It's ridiculous."

The seconds hung heavy as Meg stared at the two of them, face slack, eyes wide. "Fuck. Me. _You've gone and done it, haven't you._ Wow. How totally Zeus and Hera. And it _must've_ been consensual, 'cause Elsa loves you way too much to… How did this even happen?" She turned to Anna again. "Anna, you beautiful cinnamon roll, you suck at lying. Don't even try. If it comes up, just grab your stomach and run out of the room, it'd look less suspicious. And Elsa – "

Elsa leaned forward, her arm extended in front of Anna, her eyes shooting daggers of ice at Megara. "Get. Out."

Meg put her hands up again. "Whoa, just a sec– "

"Get. The fuck. Out." Elsa began to rise from her chair.

Meg stood and backed away, her palms still facing Elsa. "Hey, stand down, Elsa. I never said I was against it. Hell, I'm European, things happen. If you want me to keep your secret, I'll keep your secret. And I mean really keep it. No cryptic allusions or meaningfully raised eyebrows. Radio silence."

"One." Elsa didn't make any threatening moves, but it _was_ a kitchen and there _were_ knives.

"Just a minute – "

"Two."

 **"Did you ever think for a goddess-damned second I might be** ** _happy_** **for you?"** Meg shouted.

"I – "

"Love hurts. I know." Meg shook her head. "Do I know. And I've watched you suffer for years, literally years. And I figured, 'yeah, love's like that,' shrug, move on. And now maybe you can be happy for a couple of minutes? I mean, sure, something's gonna fuck it up eventually, but why should that be me? Why would I do that to you?"

Elsa stepped in front of Anna. "You have no idea – "

Meg leaned sideways to talk around Elsa. "Anna. Don't you think it'd be good to have one person who knows, who you can talk to about it? It's a big fucking secret – so to speak – and you might want to have one clear space where you can relax and not have to keep your guard up. I mean I'm not exactly a gossip girl, but…"

Anna hugged Elsa's arm. "She's got a point, Elsa. It could be not that bad. If you think we can trust her."

Elsa put her other hand to her forehead. "God, Anna, you just –"

"Confirmed what everyone in this room already knows? Yeah, I did that. I know you want to protect me and put up a wall, but can't we make the wall big enough to let in one other person? Just, you know, to have more room?"

Elsa sighed and leaned against her.

Anna went on. "I mean, I was already thinking this morning, 'How long are we going to have to keep this secret?' And it's all the time, from everybody. I love you so much, it's totally worth it. I'll do it gladly. But it's gonna be exhausting. So I think we should trust her. If _you_ think we can trust her."

"I think we can trust her. I think we have to."

Meg raised her mug. "Here's to the happy, if very very unconventional couple."

"Oh, Anna." Elsa kissed her tenderly.

"Me and my big mouth," muttered Meg as she drained the last of her coffee.


	5. this is not a poem

**this is not a poem**

* * *

You wrote me poems

beautiful poems

and you deserve to have beautiful poems too

but I don't really know how

so this is not a poem

but it is for you

* * *

when you kissed me

I felt fire and ice

I felt weak and strong

I already loved you with all my heart

and then I loved you even more

and that can't make sense

but I guess it didn't have to

because it did

* * *

when I kissed you

I was certain and uncertain

I knew it was right

I knew it was wrong

I was never more scared in my life

I was never more sure I was doing the right thing

all I knew was that I loved you

and I was terrified of you

and my heart pounded in my throat

and I was dizzy

and my skin tingled

and I kissed you

* * *

and then you were nude

and then I was naked

and if this was a poem this is the part where all the similes and metaphors would go

and I can't say what you were as soft as or as warm as or as beautiful as

because nothing was ever as soft and warm and beautiful as you

* * *

and I say "and" a lot don't I

* * *

but I kissed your neck and I felt you shiver and it made me shiver

and I kissed your beautiful beautiful breasts

and felt your nipples on my tongue

well one at a time obviously

that'd be silly

I'll shut up now

* * *

except I have to tell you

that I have never had a woman's nipple in my mouth like that

but even if I had

it was nothing like anything I've ever done before

because I love you

and you're beautiful

and because it made you so happy

and it made me happy too

and it was strange and wonderful and exciting and scary

and soft and firm and softly textured in my mouth

and when you pressed my head to your

* * *

none of the words are right

they're all rude or silly or clinical or euphemistic

and we weren't rude or silly or clinical or euphemistic

* * *

I was feeling joy

and you were feeling joy

and when your hand cradled my head and held me to your breasts

and your other hand was wrapped around my shoulders

and I could feel you vibrating with the force of not crushing me against you

my heart burst with pride

that you could find me that sexy

even almost as sexy as you are to me

* * *

and when we lay down in bed together

we fit together like two jigsaw puzzle pieces

if puzzle pieces were soft and warm and could cuddle

and loved each other very much

* * *

I keep saying beautiful and soft and warm

and you deserve better vocabulary than that

but you are so beautiful

and so soft

and so warm

that I can't come up with anything better

so it'll have to do

* * *

and when you trailed kisses down me

from my throat

to my breasts

(please, my nipples, I thought

but couldn't be strong enough to say out loud

and then out loud I said "please, my nipples")

and it felt so good

and it felt so good to you

that even though I couldn't love you more

I loved you more

* * *

and your beautiful hair

(I wanted to say moon-white hair

but the moon is cold and gray-white

and your hair is honey-white and warm)

brushed softly against me

and it was the softest and most wonderful feeling in the world

except for all the other soft and wonderful feelings you made me feel

like your lips making my stomach quiver

as you kissed your way down to my

* * *

again, none of the words are right

they're all rude or silly or clinical or euphemistic

but pussy will have to do for now

sorry

* * *

down to my pussy

and I apologized for not having shaved

but you stroked your nose against my hair

and you stroked your cheek against my hair

and you said, "mmm, you're fluffy"

and I laughed

and you laughed

and you flopped your head in my lap

looking up at me

and I stroked your hair and your face

and we stopped laughing but you were still smiling

and again I loved you even more

* * *

and we shifted around

and it was awkward

but just for a second

and then your lips were on my pussy

and your tongue was on my pussy

and you sucked and nibbled and licked

and it felt so good that I thought my body was going to catch on fire and make my head explode

and you made little mmf mmf mmf noises

which anywhere else would be silly

but right then and right there you were hotter than fuck

and my hips ground my pussy into your face

and I couldn't help it

so I said sorry

and you made a noise and I knew it meant don't say sorry you're loving this too

and I was right

my body did catch fire and my head did explode

and I shook like

* * *

well I'm a girl who's not good at metaphors

* * *

I shook really really hard

and I don't know how but in an instant you were on top of me

and I want to say you were grinding into me

and I was grinding into you

but grinding sounds rough and hard and painful

and you were hard but you were also soft

and you were rough but you were also gentle

and it felt so so so so good that it was almost painful

but it wasn't

it felt incredible

and I shook because I couldn't help it

and you shook because you wanted to

and you were on top of me

all of me

your legs wrapped in my legs

your skin against my skin

your arms squeezing me tight

driving you into me

driving me into you

and not to put too fine a point on it

I climaxed

and you climaxed

and then you were lying on top of me

I mean still

but just resting

and sliding and rocking around a little

so I could feel your skin and my skin

and I said "Oh God I love you"

and you said "I love you so much Anna"

and every single thing in the universe felt RIGHT

* * *

and I loved you even more.

* * *

And I'm sorry this isn't a poem

and I'm sorry that I haven't even described all the other wonderful things we did that night

with your mouth and my mouth and my fingers and your fingers and your you and my me

because you really really deserve a poem

and every good thing in the world

* * *

but poems are made of words

and I don't have the words for how I feel

so I'll speak to you in kisses

and write my poem on your body with my lips.


	6. Doubletalk

"Good morning, Gingersnap," said Elsa, perched on the side of the bed – her own bed – where Anna lay curled under the blanket, dozing happily.

"G'morning, Marzipan." Anna yawned and stretched hugely, like a sleepy cat. "What'd you get up for? You come back here." She lunged for Elsa and tried to pull her back into bed, but only wound up hugging her around the waist and lying across her lap. Elsa stroked Anna's wild red bed-hair.

"C'mon, you have to get up. I've already got breakfast on the stove." Elsa bent down to kiss Anna's hair.

"That wasn't a good idea. It's gonna burn once I get you back in this bed." Anna half-heartedly pulled at Elsa. "Aw, come on. Just snuggles?"

"You can have snuggles once you get dressed and eat." Elsa stroked Anna's back. "And why'd you call me 'Marzipan'?"

"B'cause you're pale and smooth and soft like marzipan, an' you're sweet like marzipan, an' you're imported from Europe like marzipan, an' you're half-sugar and half-nuts like marzipan – " Elsa giggled. " – aaaaan' I like having you in my mouth like marzipan, an' I bet you'd taste great covered in chocolate – "

"Like marzipan, yes, I get it. You're pretty talkative for someone too tired to get up."

"Nuh-uh. I'm too tired to shut myself up. And tired is _not_ why I want us to stay in bed."

"No excuses. Time to get up, 'French toast', so I can cover you in syrup."

"Promises, promises," murmured Anna as Elsa got up to head back to the kitchen.

* * *

A denim apron protected Elsa's ice blue silk t-shirt and pleated slacks as she carried the frypan and spatula to the table and loaded up the plates. Anna walked in, her hair brushed, wearing a turquoise dressing gown embroidered with gold dragons. "Mmm, there _is_ french toast. You gonna cover me with syrup later?"

"You're perfectly capable of covering yourself with syrup," Elsa said with a teasing smile. "I've seen you eat."

Elsa took off her apron and they sat down. "Wow," breathed Anna. Each slice had been dusted with an icing sugar snowflake. "How did you ever – "

Elsa shrugged. "Paper stencil. Something special for someone special."

Anna came around the table to hug Elsa and kiss her lightly on the cheek and lips. "I'm not special, _you're_ special. The special-est sister ever."

"Food's getting cold."

With almost as much excitement as she had dashed to Elsa, Anna dashed back to her plate. "Poor snowflake. Sorry," she said to her food as she poured maple syrup over the toast. She grinned up at Elsa. "We should do this every morning."

Elsa looked down at her plate. "Well, we can't."

"Why not? This'd be great."

"Just don't get used to it."

Brow furrowed, Anna asked, "What's the problem, Elsa? Why're you in a mood?"

"I'm not in a mood. I – Never mind. Eat your breakfast."

Through a mouthful of bacon and french toast, Anna asked, "Seriously, sis, what's the big deal?"

"Drop it! Okay? Just…drop it." Elsa's shoulders sagged. Her knife clattered against the plate as she cut her toast.

Anna almost sniped back, but stopped herself. She sipped her coffee, cleared her throat, sat up. In a gentle voice she said, "Elsa, I'm sorry. Something's bothering you. Can we talk about it? Please?"

Focusing on the syrup she was mopping up with the crust on her fork, Elsa said, "What day is it, Anna."

"It's Sunday."

"And what happens today?"

"Punzy's coming home."

"Yeah. And her parents."

"But…we like them."

Elsa sighed. "We do. And they like us. For now."

"Elsa, what?"

"This – all this – has to stop." In response to Anna's puzzled look, Elsa went on. "We can't exactly line them up and say, 'Rapunzel, Richard, Prim, I think you should know. Despite your best efforts I'm… _fucking_ my sister.' " Elsa shook her head. "Sorry."

Anna didn't know if the "sorry" was for the imaginary Crowne family or for her. "Elsa, it's gonna be okay. It's – wait, what? Their best efforts? Punzy?"

"No, not Rapunzel. Probably not. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know. But _they_ know. I couldn't have come home if I hadn't convinced them that I was over you. Or, if not over, that I could keep my hands to myself. They can't find out about…this. About us."

Anna leaned forward. "It's okay, Elsa. We can do this. We can make sure you'll be all right."

"Me?" Elsa looked at her, then broke eye contact. "I deserve whatever I've got coming. It's you I'm worried about."

Anna came around the table again, this time kneeling beside Elsa's chair so that she could look her in the eye. She reached for Elsa's hands, but Elsa flinched away from her touch. "Hey. Hey, hey, hey. You didn't do anything bad. You didn't do anything _to_ me. Whatever you were feeling, I was the instigator, remember?" With one hand on Elsa's forearm and the other on her shoulder, Anna leaned in and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "We'll be discreet," Anna whispered into her ear. "No one needs to know." She kissed Elsa's cheek again.

Elsa didn't say anything, but her frown faded into a reluctant smile.

"Besides," continued Anna, "it's only quarter to nine, and they're not due 'til one o'clock. We have time."

"Time for what, exactly?"

Anna shrugged off her robe. She was naked underneath. "Second breakfast?"

"Anna!" said Elsa, trying to be disapproving.

"Elevenses?"

"Anna!" Elsa repeated, losing her fight not to giggle.

"Carpe morning. Besides…" She waggled her eyebrows like a cartoon wolf. "If you didn't want this to happen, you should've worn a bra under that thin…silk…shirt." She nuzzled Elsa's nipple. "Ssslippery."

Elsa pressed Anna close, one hand cradling Anna's head and the other stroking the warm softness of her back. With a sigh of surrender Elsa breathed, "Carpe morning."

* * *

When the Crownes came home, Anna was as good as her word. The house was spotless, and while Anna was chipper and bubbly, there were no calf-eyes or meaningful glances at her sister. Except for the occasional bumping of shoulders and a little extra stress on the word "sis", she was exactly the girl she always was.

And except for Mr. Crowne asking Elsa "Everything all right?" with meaning-laden stress, when they happened to be alone together, no one seemed the least suspicious. Richard and Prim unpacked and checked up on messages as Punzy told Elsa and Anna about the art schools she had visited with her parents. The life of cozy domesticity had returned full force. Elsa looked at Anna chatting brightly and wondered if the last couple of days had been a dream.

"So," said Punzy, "how was your dinner with Hans?"

Anna shrugged. "It was okay."

"Gonna see him again?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Why not? Wasn't he nice?"

"He was nice enough. But there wasn't that _spark_. There's a spark you feel when you're with someone special. And he was sparkless."

"And how would you know?" said Rapunzel, smirking at Anna. "Does that mean you've found your sparkler?"

"It's just, you know, my impression of how these things work."

Elsa had to admire Anna. For someone so open and impulsive, Anna was doing a perfect job of neither gazing at nor ignoring her. Elsa realized that _she_ had been gazing at _Anna_ , and quickly changed the subject to Punzy's boyfriend Gene, and whether she had felt "the spark." As Punzy gushed, Elsa wanted to pat Anna's knee and congratulate her. But she didn't.

After dinner, Richard suggested, "Shall we all go to the living room for Netflix and chill?"

"Dad!" said Punzy, "that is not what that means!"

"Isn't that what – "

"Don't. Just don't," added Anna.

He looked to Elsa, who solemnly shook her head.

"Okay, um, 'Who wants to watch a movie and relax in the living room.' Is that satisfactory?"

"It will be as soon as someone loads the dishwasher," said Prim.

"I'm surrounded," said Richard, rolling his eyes.

Elsa relaxed. _It really is just like nothing's changed._ She and Punzy cleared the table as Anna popped an enormous pot of popcorn. They carried bowls of popcorn into the living room as Prim and Richard paged through the video options on the smart tv, and everyone settled in to watch _Pitch Perfect_. As much as Elsa wanted to snuggle next to Anna and feel the warmth against her, she played it safe and put Punzy between them.

Not able to focus on the film, Elsa quietly checked her phone.

There was an email from Anna. _Who sends emails?_ thought Elsa, as she read the Subject line: " _this is not a poem_ ".

She began to read, and in a few lines the room vanished. There was nothing in the world except those words, and the love behind them. Her heart was overflowing.

"Elsa? Are you all right?" Rapunzel nudged her and broke the spell.

Elsa looked up, seeing everyone staring at her, and realized there were tears in her eyes. "I – " Her mind clawed for an excuse, an explanation. The only thing she could come up with was Meg's advice to Anna, so she grabbed her stomach, fled to her room, and locked the door.

As she sat on her bed, bent over until her head was almost touching her knees, Elsa heard knocking and a mix of voices asking if she was okay, if there was anything they could do, if there was anything she wanted to talk about. Finally she heard Anna say, "I think she just needs some space right now. Everyone clear out and go back to the movie. I'll just…stay here in case she needs anything. Quietly."

Elsa waited until she was absolutely sure that everyone but Anna was gone. She opened the door a crack and peeped out. Anna was standing there, hands clasped in front of her, mouth smiling, eyes worried. Elsa opened the door, waved her in, and locked it behind them.

Anna put a hand on Elsa's forearm and stroked her hair with the other. In a voice just above a whisper she asked, "What is it, Elsa?"

Elsa swallowed. "The poem. The poem you wrote me."

"Did I say something wrong?"

Elsa shook her head. "It was beautiful. It was so beautiful that…I couldn't help…"

"It's not that good. Not like what you write. It's just plain. But I wanted to give you something. Something that could say what I feel, and how much I love you, and how incredible it is when we're together. And…I hope it was okay."

"Okay? It's… You touched my heart, Anna. You touched my soul." Elsa blinked, and the tears ran down her cheeks until they touched her smile. "I love you, Anna. I love you so much I can't… I don't know."

Anna hugged her close, stroking her hair, feeling Elsa's body wracked by quiet sobs. "Hey, hey. I love you too. That's sort of why I wrote it." She sighed. "I kind of wish you had read it at your laptop like I thought you would."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, Elsa. I wanted to surprise you. That was stupid. And risky."

"It was sweet."

"Well, yeah. It pretty much was. Still kind of…oopsie."

Elsa giggled. "Oh, Anna." Her smile faded. "But what are we going to tell…?"

"Never you mind." Anna rested her forehead on Elsa's. "I'll take care of things. You just stay in here until you're okay. Okay?"

"Okay," said Elsa. Anna kissed her sweetly, then lovingly, then deeply. "Mmm. You'd better get out there, though."

"Carpe half a minute," said Anna, and kissed her once more. She smoothed Elsa's bangs, stroked her cheek, said "Wish me luck," and slipped out to the living room.

Elsa left the door open a crack and listened. The soundtrack stopped as someone paused the movie. Then Anna spoke. "Okay. Here's the thing. Now the important thing is not to make a big deal about this, okay? Right. Well, you're probably wondering what just happened. It's my fault. I sent Elsa an email. I didn't think she'd be reading it on her phone, I thought she'd read it on her laptop, in her room." Anna cleared her throat. "Anyway. It was a Korrasami fanfic, really angsty, and when she got to the sad part she started to tear up. But the thing is, she doesn't really want anyone to know she ships Korrasami, or even that she reads fanfic, _or_ that it makes her cry. So if we could all just not tease her about it, or make a big deal about it, or mention it, that'd be great. Okay? And I'm sure she'll come out when she's ready."

Elsa then heard Punzy defining "shipping", "angsty", "fanfic", and "Korrasami" for her parents. Then the movie soundtrack started up again. After a minute Elsa got her courage back and returned to the living room.

"Uh, hi." She gave them all an apologetic little wave.

Punzy patted the empty seat on the couch. "You want us to rewind, or just carry on?"

"Just carry on. I think I can pick up the plot as we go."

She sat next to Rapunzel, who leaned in and whispered, "Hey, don't worry about it. No big deal."

Elsa smiled at her, and then at the room in general. Anna and Punzy passed the popcorn back and forth, but Elsa declined.

She sat and looked at the screen without seeing it.

 _She is amazing. I love her so much. I never knew she could write like that. I never knew she could be that cool under pressure. I never knew..._ Elsa's brow furrowed. _How did she get to be such an inspired liar?_

 _It's because of me. I put her in this position. I_ am _corrupting her after all._


	7. Two In The Morning

Elsa's phone chimed softly, its blinking LED dazzling in the gloom. She rolled over and took it from the end of the desk that served as her bedside table. It was a text from Anna.

A: Hey are you awake?  
E: Just staring at the ceiling.  
A: Can I talk to you?  
E: Sure. What about.  
A: I mean in person. Now. If it's ok.  
E: Are you sure?  
A: Please  
E: Okay. But you'll have to be quiet.

In a few seconds she heard the rattle of the doorknob and Anna, dressed in burgundy pajamas, pulled the door open just enough to slip inside, closing it behind her like it was an airlock.

Elsa scooted to the far side of her bed, leaving room for Anna to sit down.

Or, as it happened, lie down. They lay with a few inches of space between them, ankles tangled together, blanket half-tucked around them, looking at each other like sisters having a sleepover. A streetlight sent a slat of illumination through Elsa's venetian blinds and across their faces.

"Hi, you," said Elsa, smiling softly.

"Hi," said Anna, her voice just above a whisper.

Elsa waited for Anna to go on. Not that she was in a hurry. Watching Anna, listening to her breathe, was enough. Was more than enough.

"I was thinking about you," said Anna.

"And I was thinking about you too."

"What kind of thinking?"

"How much I love you. How happy I am to have you in my life. No secrets." _Except with everyone else. Am I turning you into a liar?_

"I was thinking those thoughts," said Anna. Then, huskier, "And I was thinking other thoughts, too." She placed her hand gently on Elsa's cheek and leaned in to his her lips, kissing them lovingly. "Know what else I was thinking?"

"I have an idea."

"Good. I have an idea, too." She pulled herself to Elsa, an arm and leg wrapping around her, as light and comforting as her blanket. She brushed her lips against Elsa's cheek and nuzzled her ear. "My idea," she whispered, "is that everyone's asleep, so this would be an excellent opportunity to make love."

"You're here because you're horny?" Elsa's tone was half scolding, half amused.

"I'm here because I love you. And maybe a little horny, but that's not the point. Horny I can take care of by myself." She kissed Elsa again, feeling Elsa's lips relax, waiting to be parted. "Isn't that a good idea?"

Elsa felt like she was drifting, and shook it off. "I actually don't think it's a good idea. It's beautiful, but it's not a good idea."

"I can be quiet."

"Anna..."

"I can be quick."

"Anna..."

" _You_ can be quick." Anna smirked, pleased with herself.

"Anna, seriously..."

"How about a sixty-eight?"

"...a what?"

"I go down on you and you owe me one."

Elsa buried her face in the pillow to smother her snorts of laughter. "Anna! Cut it out!"

Anna stopped talking, but didn't stop stroking Elsa's arm. Elsa was on the verge of shivering. She laid her hand on Anna's, stopping it but keeping contact. "Anna, this is beautiful, and so sweet. But it's not a good idea right now. It's okay, we'll find a time."

"I already found one. Two a.m." She looked at Elsa's phone. "See? Right on time."

Elsa stroked Anna's hair with the backs of her fingers. "Goofball." She sighed, her head sagging into the pillow. "I love you so much. And that you love me too, that I can be honest, be my real self with you, fills me with so much joy that I must be overflowing." Anna glanced at Elsa's pajama pants, wiggling her eyebrows. "Not _that_ kind of overflow, Doofus McGoofus."

Anna smiled at the old nickname.

"Seriously, Anna. Why did you come here? What do you really want?"

"Why do you think? I wanted hot mindblowing sex with the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Yourself?"

Anna smirked, play-shoved Elsa. "Now who's the goofball, Dopey O'Gopey? I mean you, of course."

Elsa kept stroking Anna's hair and waited for the real answer.

"It's just-" started Anna, then rearranged her thoughts. "It's just that I know how long you've had feelings...oh fuck. You love me, and you've loved me for years, and you had to keep that secret all that time. From me, from everyone. And you've been locked away in your room, or away at school, and it must've been so incredibly fucking lonely. And – you said you can be your real self now. That's what I want. That's what I want for you. And I do love you, and I do want you, but I want you to...not to be denied...deny yourself..." She stopped, swallowed. "Elsa?"

"Yes?"

"I never want you to feel that you have to cut yourself off from me, from yourself, from us." She took Elsa's hand and hugged it to her heart. "I want you to know that you can be free. That our love can always be free. I want you to be free to be happy, to love me, to be loved by me." Anna squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm such a not-good-with-words person. I suck."

"You do not suck, my beautiful little snowflake." Elsa kissed the tip of Anna's nose. "Your words tell me what's in your heart, and what could be more perfect than that?" They hugged, a long comforting caress that turned into simply lying together, face to face. "I love you, Anna."

"I love you, Elsa."

"But it's time for you to go back to your bed."

"This is my bed. I claim it on behalf of me."

Elsa bumped Anna's forehead with her own. "You know what I mean. Time to go."

"Elsa. Do you really want me to go?"

"I really _need_ you to go."

"Yes, but do you _want_ me to go? Really?"

"I... Yes. No." Elsa took a breath. "Yes. I want you to go."

Now it was Anna's turn to wait patiently, kindly, for the real answer.

"Okay." Elsa sighed. "What I want is to make love with you. To worship your body. To see the joy in your face. There's a moment right before you come when you have a look of such bliss, you look like a saint filled with divine ecstasy."

"It's divine, all right," said Anna, quiet enough not to interrupt Elsa's flow.

"I want to make love to you, and feel you against me, and even more than that I want to have you love-damp and relaxed in my arms, and for us to fall asleep in each others arms, our bed – _our_ bed – filled with love and softness. With us. Safe and happy. I want that more than anything in life."

Anna made a purring hum.

Elsa's voice turned sharp and metallic. "And then it's breakfast time, and Punzy comes in to check on us, or Prim, or Richard. And you're asleep in my arms looking post-coital, and the room smells of sex, and we can't possibly deny what's happened. And my life is ruined. And I've fucked up your life, too. And because you're so wonderful and loving and warm and kind, you're 'the girl who was fucked by her sister' for the rest of your fucking life. And I have to stand there and admit that I was weak and a liar and a pervert, and _**I'll never get to see you again.**_ " Elsa paused, holding her breath, listening to see if her outburst had woken anyone, if footsteps were padding to her door already. She saw the pain in Anna's eyes and felt it in her own heart. "I'm sorry. I love you, Anna. I'm sorry. But I can't make you leave. I can't even ask you to leave. I'm weak." She almost kissed Anna, and thought better of it. "I need you to be strong for me. We will find our time, somehow, and we will be together, bundled in our love, but right now I need you to be... I need you to go. Please." Elsa closed her eyes tightly.

She felt the mattress shift as Anna stood up, felt the blessing of a kiss on her forehead, soft fingers wisping across her hair. She heard Anna whisper, "I love you, Elsa. Sleep well," and then she heard bare footsteps, the rattle of a doorknob, and silence.


End file.
